Sunday, March 15, 2015

How to be thrifty like a German

I've been married for 8 (!) years and known my husband for 11.  Needless to say, Germany has changed me a lot.  I've adopted a lot of husband's German attitudes and habits. One of the best habits I've picked up is German thriftiness.  

This topic gives me an excuse to post this picture H took when I still a student at NIU.  It was 2006 and we went to Florida for spring break.  I was so not thrifty back then.  I also apparently didn't wear sunglasses which is why I'm squinting.
Those were fun times.
In Germany banks just don't hand out loans and credit cards like they do in the USA.  A lot of Germans don't have credit cards and prefer to pay cash or use bank transfers.  You have to prove that you can pay for things before you get a line of credit.  Every time I tried to get a car loan in Germany I was always denied because I worked as a freelancer.   We ended up saving the money and then paying cash for my first tiny little black Smart For2.  It was the first time in my life I couldn't get a loan.

My spouse has a credit card but he always pays off the balance at the end of the month.  He's insured for everything you can get insurance for and he even opened a retirement fund for me a few months after we got married.  He doesn't like to buy things, or anything for that matter, which sometimes clashes with my American materialism.  He's also really into recycling and saving stuff like energy, water and gas.  Everything in our home is energy efficient, water efficient and whatever can be recycled is.  H is responsible if he is anything.  It turns out that after living with him for a third of my life some of these awesome traits kind of rubbed off.   Here's some of the ways I have changed.

Don't waste food and cook from scratch

Food is one of the biggest areas of waste in the USA.  Americans throw out hundreds of millions of tons of food every year.  I used to be really bad at this.  I would make a bag of popcorn, eat half and then throw the rest in the trash.  I would buy too many groceries and let things go bad.  You would have thought as a poor student I'd have been wiser, but I was terrible at food economy. 

Now that I've had some years running a household food waste drives me crazy.  Groceries aren't as expensive in Germany as they are in the USA but they still take up some of our monthly budget.  Why waste money by wasting food?  It's almost become a principle of social responsibility these days.

Of course, we still waste some food but not nearly as much as before.  These days I always know what we need and how much without much effort or planning.  On a normal day I know if we need eggs or if we still have a carton in the fridge.  I keep a list in my phone that way if I find myself at the store I know exactly what to get.  

I use kitchen hacks like keeping staples on hand and doing food prep for the week on Sunday nights.  At least once a month I buy a whole chicken so I can make stock.  I hadn't realized how easy making things at home is because I was used to buying everything ready made in the US.  When we make big batches of stuff like homemade pizza, pasta, lentils, or soup we freeze half but try to eat those leftovers on busy nights when we don't feel like cooking.  You might think this wouldn't work because freezers are small in Germany, so far it hasn't been an issue.  As long as we eat what's in the freezer within a couple of weeks we don't run out of room.  We almost never have to eat something out of bag or a can. And now if I have a bag of microwave popcorn I share it with someone.  It's so hard to find in Germany to begin with I would never throw it away.

Keep utilities costs to a minimum

As an American I didn't think utilities costs that much.  I was pretty careless about leaving electronics running or turning off the lights.  Now I am super careful.  I have a dryer but I almost never use it, especially during the summer.  I have a routine that works with the laundry so that everything gets washed, dried, ironed and put away by Monday with little fuss.  

We don't have any lights or electronics that aren't energy saving.  A lot of our lights are LEDs.  Our apartment is on the bigger side but it's divided into two parts, with the bedrooms in the front and the living room, dinning area and kitchen in the back.  We usually don't heat the bedrooms because we sleep with out windows open at night, even in winter.  The apartment is designed so they are the most insulated rooms and don't get very cold anyway. 

Usually we end up overpaying utility costs which means we get a refund at the end of the year and a couple of times our rent has been lowered.  Another plus is all these habits are great for the environment. 

If you like it, mend it

When I was home last Summer I bought a designer sweater (on sale).  It was one of my favorite things in the world and I loved it to death.  I wore it almost every week for months.  Of course, one day it got a little hole in it.  I was totally bummed because it hasn't lasted a year.  But instead of throwing it away I decided to fix it.  I read a quick DIY on darning, cobbled together some supplies form our meager sewing kit and voila!  
I was able to fix the hole.  Months later I still wear my favorite sweater all the time.  You can't tell I mended it myself.  I'm not a very crafty person and I haven't touched a sewing machine since home economics in 7th grade.  Darning is really not that hard at all.  

Another great fix is getting high quality shoes resoled instead of throwing them away.  I never buy cheap shoes anymore and I always make sure they're made of leather.  I've had my favorite pair of Zara boots for four years and I've had them resoled twice.  Resoling shoes makes them last two or three times as long.  When it come to wardrobe basics, like black pumps or riding boots, buying a new pair that looks almost identical every year doesn't make sense.  Good quality boots can cost from €100-€200 in Germany, getting them resoled is about €20.

Of course missing buttons or ripped seams are never a reason to throw something away.  Those are super easy fixes anyone can make.  If a piece of clothing isn't cut the way I like I take it to a tailor.  This is super cheap, most alterations cost around €10.  One of my favorite dresses was a too long maxi, I took it to a tailor and had it made into a midi.  The length is more flattering and I get a ton of compliments on it every summer.

Minimize your little costs and fees

When I lived in the US everything was always about convenience.  I didn't care if I had to pay a dollar to get cash from the ATM as long as it was easy.  As a result I spent hundreds of dollars every year paying little fees I could have avoided. 

Drive or take the train?  Spend €2 on a soda or bring a water bottle?  Pay an ATM fee or get cash for free?  Buy a sandwich or bring your own?  There are a bunch of tiny costs every month that can be eliminated.  I always think twice about what I'm spending and why.  If there isn't a really good reason to drive I take the train.  I try not to pick up expensive drinks or snacks when I'm out.  We haven't paid an ATM or money transfer fee in years. 

Sometimes paying more is worth it

There are some things we pay a lot more for in Germany.  I buy Cheerios from amazon.de even though they are five times more than a box of sugary cereal from the grocery store down the street.  My husband likes high quality chocolate and we order wine from a vineyard a couple times a year.  We always get bread from the bakery and meat from the butcher.  I don't mind footing the bill to get my cut and highlighted at an expensive salon in Berlin because it save me the time and money of running around getting bad highlights fixed.  Remember the orange hair debacle?   I could have spent the weekend in Istanbul with the money I paid to get my orange hair fixed.  Sometimes we have date lunches on Fridays while Sophie is in Kita at the fancy Italian restaurant in our town.  And last year I bought Sophie big colorful building bricks from America even though the shipping was crazy because it was a toy all the kids I knew back home totally loved. 

So sure, we try not to be wasteful people but we're not living like Spartans.  It's all about balance. 

I still have a long way to go

I've come a long way form my materialistic American roots but I still have a long way to go.  I'd love to say I never spend money on clothes I don't need but that's just not true.  I guess a lot of things rub off but my love for shopping is too deeply ingrained to go away so easily.  Oh well, maybe after another ten years of living with H and I'll hate shopping just as much as he does.

Or not ;).

x
Sara

Friday, January 9, 2015

Insulation vs. immersion

I've been thinking a lot about the degrees of immersion or insulation expats experience in Germany and how that effects their overall experience in the country.  There is a lot of variation due to personality and individual flexibility but overall the level of immersion vs. insulation can determine how well someone integrates into German culture. 

High levels of immersion come from things like speaking German, having German friends, having German family, living in areas where people do not speak English, the amount of time spent in Germany, sending your child to German schools and kindergartens, living outside of city centers, having a job that requires you to speak German and work with Germans.   On the other side things that insulate foreigners from German culture are having international friends, spending a limited amount of time in the country, speaking your native language, remaining within the boundaries of cosmopolitan areas, international or bi-lingual schools, working at international companies and having a spouse and family not from Germany.

Now most people will probably assume that a high level of immersion will result in successful integration.  Paradoxically, most expats I know actively seek to insulate themselves as much as possible from a high level of immersion.  Why would foreigners here for the most authentic 'German experience' not fully immerse themselves in Germany?

The answer lies in the deep-seated sense of order and precision in German culture.  For all its progressive politics Germany is a traditional country with tradition values.  Just because Germans are open minded about public drinking, prostitution and gay marriage doesn't mean they will allow you to drop your child off half an hour late to Kita.  Just because Germany says it wants to combat sexism in the workplace doesn't mean German companies are going to start hiring women as their CEOs.  This is what I like to refer to as a politically progressive but socially restrictive cultural norms.  Germany does much better on paper than in real life. 

Not following the unspoken social norms results a lot of covert or outright social aggression.  Because foreigners will naturally posses different cultural norms a high level of integration can result in experiencing a lot of 'correction'.  Correction might not seem malicious in nature but it is in fact one or more individuals trying to impose their norms or preference on another.  Since social correction is abrasive and intrusive many foreigners will seek out more international areas of German society where individuals are likely to be more open minded and understanding.  Many foreigners will need a certain amount of insulation from too much correction.  They might find solace in their spouse, friendships with other foreigners, or by exclusively speaking thair native language.  Successful integration rests on a balance of being immersed without being overwhelmed.   If foreigners can maintain this balance then they will find they can ease themselves into the more open areas of German society.  Not having this balance is akin to being a seal thrown into a tank of hungry sharks. 

Lately I've had a totally backlash against all things German.  This is probably a reaction to the high level of immersion and low level of insulation I am currently experiencing.   Criticism comes from every area of my life and the cracks are starting to show.  I'm so sick and tired of being told what to do, how to do it, being reprimanded, reminded, challenged.  I'm tired of arguing with sales reps and receptionists.  I'm tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn't post on Facebook, tired of being talked about, of having my every word picked apart.  I'm tired of people trying to out-parent me.  I'm tired having to be precise and exact in what I say.  I'm tired of being told not to talk about things, to keep this and that a secret.  I'm tired of pointless drama.  I'm tired of everyone taking themselves so mothertrucking serious.  I want everyone to mind their own business and leave me alone for a while. 

Which we all know is not going to happen.

This weekend will be dedicated to finding ways to insulate myself against the constant (seriously, seriously constant) barrage of criticism and correction before it drives me batty.

x
Sara

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Zara's Winter sale has begun

Zara Winter Sale



Zara pink sweater, €33 / Zara sweater, €41 / Zara kimono, €33 / Zara coat, €125 / Zara lined jacket, €98 / Zara zip jacket, €98 / Skirt / Zara mid-rise jeans, €41 / Zara short skirt, €25 / Zara handle handbag, €98 / Zara handbag, €49

Just a reminder that everything is on sale right now at Zara in stores and online.  Hopefully you all aren't like me who already way overspent my clothing budget for like the next five years.  Happy shopping!  

Monday, November 17, 2014

Extrovert vs. Introvert expat experience

Lately I've been longing for all things back home.  It's going to be Christmas and I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I miss America.  This feeling of homesickness has been so strong that a couple of times I found myself fighting tears while sitting in lectures.  It's weird.  Why now?  I'm well into my eighth year as an expat.  I'm not even sure I remember what living in America is like.  

Someone posted an article about introverts on Facebook and I realized my expat experience is different from other people's because I am an introvert.  I don't like parties, crowds or lots of noise and activity.  You'd find me happier doing solo activities like reading or running or walking my dog.  I really like people, don't get me wrong. I find them interesting and amazing but I have a finite amount of social energy.  If I don't know someone well then being around them is draining and a little anxiety inducing.  My family and people that I've known for years have the opposite affect.  Being with them is relaxing and fun.  I start to get stressed out and worn down if I'm always expending social energy and never recharging it.

My problem is that my social energy doesn't get a proper recharge in Germany.  Expats are always moving and we're always moving.  I haven't gotten the chance to build the kind of strong friendships I have back home.  There are a handful of people in Germany who I can say really got to know me but of course they moved or I moved so those people aren't in my life except via social media.  The longest I've ever been friends with anyone is four years but it's usually much less than that.

By the time I got to Berlin I'd probably cycled through at least six times of making all new friends for various reasons and I was socially exhausted.  I put myself through the motions but my heart wasn't in it anymore.  I didn't feel like telling people I buzzed my hair in high school (that ended up being a traumatic social experiment) or that I like dogs.  What was the point when we'd be moving in a couple years anyway?  I was tired of the the whole thing.  All of my social energy was being expended dealing with the neighbors, hanging out with my inlaws and taking on toddler tantrums.  I have nothing left over to put forth building the friendships that will give me energy instead of take it. 

An extroverted person would probably fare much better being an expat.  Extroverts thrives on being around people and are happy to constantly make new friends.  They like to be where the excitement is, a face in the crowd.  A lot of my expat friends are extroverts.  They're easy to talk to, easy to get along with and they have a social calender that makes me tired just thinking about it.  These kinds of people who are charismatic and sociable.  They form friendship groups and always go places together.  If you are an extrovert expat I envy you.  It sounds super fun.

Right now I'm craving stability.  I don't want temporary homes, temporary friends or temporary circumstances.  I am even starting to hate my IKEA furniture.  I look at it and think that at this point I'd like something permanent, something that I truly like and not it's just-for-now.  I want to be in a place where I can put down roots, finally take a deep breath and relax without thinking about how moving again is going to factor into my five year plan. 

I've been lucky to work in Germany and now to be able to go to school.  I'm grateful I've gotten the chance to carve out a life and not just be a trailing spouse.  There hasn't ever been a time when I wasn't able to pursue one goal or another.  But living in Germany at all costs has never been my dream.  I love this country but there are other things I want more than to live here.  I was professional success in my chosen field and I want to be a part of effecting social changes in the US.  It's something I've always felt strongly about and it's impossible to do while I live in Germany.  My identity is strongly wrapped up in the work I do and without that my life would feel diminished.

My theory professor was giving a lecture on Parsons yesterday and he talked about how individuals leave their parents and friends to go into the world and make their own lives.  The theory says that when we leave those people we retain the abstract values that they have given us.  This is very true for me.  I lost a lot of people but I kept the value, the truths that they taught me.  I can't stay in Germany and ignore my convictions.  If I'm ever going to effect any kind of social change I have to go back to my own country.  In addition I'm really really tired of the only constant in my life being change.

x
Sara

P.S. 16 year old me with no hair, I thought I was so hardcore with my inverted rosary (maybe now would be a good time to apologize to Catholics?)  Sorry for defacing your religious artifact to seem cool, guys.