I've been thinking a lot about the degrees of immersion or insulation expats experience in Germany and how that effects their overall experience in the country. There is a lot of variation due to personality and individual flexibility but overall the level of immersion vs. insulation can determine how well someone integrates into German culture.
High levels of immersion come from things like speaking German, having German friends, having German family, living in areas where people do not speak English, the amount of time spent in Germany, sending your child to German schools and kindergartens, living outside of city centers, having a job that requires you to speak German and work with Germans. On the other side things that insulate foreigners from German culture are having international friends, spending a limited amount of time in the country, speaking your native language, remaining within the boundaries of cosmopolitan areas, international or bi-lingual schools, working at international companies and having a spouse and family not from Germany.
Now most people will probably assume that a high level of immersion will result in successful integration. Paradoxically, most expats I know actively seek to insulate themselves as much as possible from a high level of immersion. Why would foreigners here for the most authentic 'German experience' not fully immerse themselves in Germany?
The answer lies in the deep-seated sense of order and precision in German culture. For all its progressive politics Germany is a traditional country with tradition values. Just because Germans are open minded about public drinking, prostitution and gay marriage doesn't mean they will allow you to drop your child off half an hour late to Kita. Just because Germany says it wants to combat sexism in the workplace doesn't mean German companies are going to start hiring women as their CEOs. This is what I like to refer to as a politically progressive but socially restrictive cultural norms. Germany does much better on paper than in real life.
Not following the unspoken social norms results a lot of covert or outright social aggression. Because foreigners will naturally posses different cultural norms a high level of integration can result in experiencing a lot of 'correction'. Correction might not seem malicious in nature but it is in fact one or more individuals trying to impose their norms or preference on another. Since social correction is abrasive and intrusive many foreigners will seek out more international areas of German society where individuals are likely to be more open minded and understanding. Many foreigners will need a certain amount of insulation from too much correction. They might find solace in their spouse, friendships with other foreigners, or by exclusively speaking thair native language. Successful integration rests on a balance of being immersed without being overwhelmed. If foreigners can maintain this balance then they will find they can ease themselves into the more open areas of German society. Not having this balance is akin to being a seal thrown into a tank of hungry sharks.
Lately I've had a totally backlash against all things German. This is probably a reaction to the high level of immersion and low level of insulation I am currently experiencing. Criticism comes from every area of my life and the cracks are starting to show. I'm so sick and tired of being told what to do, how to do it, being reprimanded, reminded, challenged. I'm tired of arguing with sales reps and receptionists. I'm tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn't post on Facebook, tired of being talked about, of having my every word picked apart. I'm tired of people trying to out-parent me. I'm tired having to be precise and exact in what I say. I'm tired of being told not to talk about things, to keep this and that a secret. I'm tired of pointless drama. I'm tired of everyone taking themselves so mothertrucking serious. I want everyone to mind their own business and leave me alone for a while.
Which we all know is not going to happen.
This weekend will be dedicated to finding ways to insulate myself against the constant (seriously, seriously constant) barrage of criticism and correction before it drives me batty.
x
Sara
Friday, January 9, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Zara's Winter sale has begun
Zara pink sweater, €33 / Zara sweater, €41 / Zara kimono, €33 / Zara coat, €125 / Zara lined jacket, €98 / Zara zip jacket, €98 / Skirt / Zara mid-rise jeans, €41 / Zara short skirt, €25 / Zara handle handbag, €98 / Zara handbag, €49
Just a reminder that everything is on sale right now at Zara in stores and online. Hopefully you all aren't like me who already way overspent my clothing budget for like the next five years. Happy shopping!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Extrovert vs. Introvert expat experience
Lately I've been longing for all things back home. It's going to be Christmas and I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss America. This feeling of homesickness has been so strong that a couple of times I found myself fighting tears while sitting in lectures. It's weird. Why now? I'm well into my eighth year as an expat. I'm not even sure I remember what living in America is like.
Someone posted an article about introverts on Facebook and I realized my expat experience is different from other people's because I am an introvert. I don't like parties, crowds or lots of noise and activity. You'd find me happier doing solo activities like reading or running or walking my dog. I really like people, don't get me wrong. I find them interesting and amazing but I have a finite amount of social energy. If I don't know someone well then being around them is draining and a little anxiety inducing. My family and people that I've known for years have the opposite affect. Being with them is relaxing and fun. I start to get stressed out and worn down if I'm always expending social energy and never recharging it.
My problem is that my social energy doesn't get a proper recharge in Germany. Expats are always moving and we're always moving. I haven't gotten the chance to build the kind of strong friendships I have back home. There are a handful of people in Germany who I can say really got to know me but of course they moved or I moved so those people aren't in my life except via social media. The longest I've ever been friends with anyone is four years but it's usually much less than that.
By the time I got to Berlin I'd probably cycled through at least six times of making all new friends for various reasons and I was socially exhausted. I put myself through the motions but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I didn't feel like telling people I buzzed my hair in high school (that ended up being a traumatic social experiment) or that I like dogs. What was the point when we'd be moving in a couple years anyway? I was tired of the the whole thing. All of my social energy was being expended dealing with the neighbors, hanging out with my inlaws and taking on toddler tantrums. I have nothing left over to put forth building the friendships that will give me energy instead of take it.
An extroverted person would probably fare much better being an expat. Extroverts thrives on being around people and are happy to constantly make new friends. They like to be where the excitement is, a face in the crowd. A lot of my expat friends are extroverts. They're easy to talk to, easy to get along with and they have a social calender that makes me tired just thinking about it. These kinds of people who are charismatic and sociable. They form friendship groups and always go places together. If you are an extrovert expat I envy you. It sounds super fun.
Right now I'm craving stability. I don't want temporary homes, temporary friends or temporary circumstances. I am even starting to hate my IKEA furniture. I look at it and think that at this point I'd like something permanent, something that I truly like and not it's just-for-now. I want to be in a place where I can put down roots, finally take a deep breath and relax without thinking about how moving again is going to factor into my five year plan.
I've been lucky to work in Germany and now to be able to go to school. I'm grateful I've gotten the chance to carve out a life and not just be a trailing spouse. There hasn't ever been a time when I wasn't able to pursue one goal or another. But living in Germany at all costs has never been my dream. I love this country but there are other things I want more than to live here. I was professional success in my chosen field and I want to be a part of effecting social changes in the US. It's something I've always felt strongly about and it's impossible to do while I live in Germany. My identity is strongly wrapped up in the work I do and without that my life would feel diminished.
My theory professor was giving a lecture on Parsons yesterday and he talked about how individuals leave their parents and friends to go into the world and make their own lives. The theory says that when we leave those people we retain the abstract values that they have given us. This is very true for me. I lost a lot of people but I kept the value, the truths that they taught me. I can't stay in Germany and ignore my convictions. If I'm ever going to effect any kind of social change I have to go back to my own country. In addition I'm really really tired of the only constant in my life being change.
x
Sara
P.S. 16 year old me with no hair, I thought I was so hardcore with my inverted rosary (maybe now would be a good time to apologize to Catholics?) Sorry for defacing your religious artifact to seem cool, guys.
Someone posted an article about introverts on Facebook and I realized my expat experience is different from other people's because I am an introvert. I don't like parties, crowds or lots of noise and activity. You'd find me happier doing solo activities like reading or running or walking my dog. I really like people, don't get me wrong. I find them interesting and amazing but I have a finite amount of social energy. If I don't know someone well then being around them is draining and a little anxiety inducing. My family and people that I've known for years have the opposite affect. Being with them is relaxing and fun. I start to get stressed out and worn down if I'm always expending social energy and never recharging it.
My problem is that my social energy doesn't get a proper recharge in Germany. Expats are always moving and we're always moving. I haven't gotten the chance to build the kind of strong friendships I have back home. There are a handful of people in Germany who I can say really got to know me but of course they moved or I moved so those people aren't in my life except via social media. The longest I've ever been friends with anyone is four years but it's usually much less than that.
By the time I got to Berlin I'd probably cycled through at least six times of making all new friends for various reasons and I was socially exhausted. I put myself through the motions but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I didn't feel like telling people I buzzed my hair in high school (that ended up being a traumatic social experiment) or that I like dogs. What was the point when we'd be moving in a couple years anyway? I was tired of the the whole thing. All of my social energy was being expended dealing with the neighbors, hanging out with my inlaws and taking on toddler tantrums. I have nothing left over to put forth building the friendships that will give me energy instead of take it.
An extroverted person would probably fare much better being an expat. Extroverts thrives on being around people and are happy to constantly make new friends. They like to be where the excitement is, a face in the crowd. A lot of my expat friends are extroverts. They're easy to talk to, easy to get along with and they have a social calender that makes me tired just thinking about it. These kinds of people who are charismatic and sociable. They form friendship groups and always go places together. If you are an extrovert expat I envy you. It sounds super fun.
Right now I'm craving stability. I don't want temporary homes, temporary friends or temporary circumstances. I am even starting to hate my IKEA furniture. I look at it and think that at this point I'd like something permanent, something that I truly like and not it's just-for-now. I want to be in a place where I can put down roots, finally take a deep breath and relax without thinking about how moving again is going to factor into my five year plan.
I've been lucky to work in Germany and now to be able to go to school. I'm grateful I've gotten the chance to carve out a life and not just be a trailing spouse. There hasn't ever been a time when I wasn't able to pursue one goal or another. But living in Germany at all costs has never been my dream. I love this country but there are other things I want more than to live here. I was professional success in my chosen field and I want to be a part of effecting social changes in the US. It's something I've always felt strongly about and it's impossible to do while I live in Germany. My identity is strongly wrapped up in the work I do and without that my life would feel diminished.
My theory professor was giving a lecture on Parsons yesterday and he talked about how individuals leave their parents and friends to go into the world and make their own lives. The theory says that when we leave those people we retain the abstract values that they have given us. This is very true for me. I lost a lot of people but I kept the value, the truths that they taught me. I can't stay in Germany and ignore my convictions. If I'm ever going to effect any kind of social change I have to go back to my own country. In addition I'm really really tired of the only constant in my life being change.
x
Sara
P.S. 16 year old me with no hair, I thought I was so hardcore with my inverted rosary (maybe now would be a good time to apologize to Catholics?) Sorry for defacing your religious artifact to seem cool, guys.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
German Apothek: cold and flu
In honor of being sick for the millionth time this month (darn you Kindergarten full of germs!) I thought I'd write an informative blog post about over the counter cold and flu medication.
Chances are if you are an expat in Germany at least once you went to the Apothek miserable with a cold and walked out with some kind of homeopathic medicine that didn't seem to help at all. I haven't met any expats who don't miss the over the counter medicines from back home. For a long time I thought cold medicine didn't really work here. That's not so. Germany has pretty much the same cold medicine we have in the States, you just have to know what it's called and ask for it by name. Don't trust the pharmacists to tell you what to take! They always recommend the more natural homeopathic treatments. Even better is having the doctor write you a prescription. Our health insurance covers almost all prescriptions, even over the counter stuff.
First things first, a daytime decongestant that actually works! Just be careful you don't take it with paracetamol.
These throat numbing cough drops are fantastic.
If tablet decongestants aren't working well enough try this nose spray. They also make this nose spray for toddlers but good luck administering it! Sometimes if we do it super fast we can get it up our child's nose before she has time to make a plan of resistance. It really does help, but sometimes it's not worth the fight with a cranky sick kid :)
For regular pain relief I like Ibuprofin. Beware, it has the same name in Germany but is pronounced differently. Also called Ibu-ratiopharm.
Tylenol goes by the name Paracetamol in Germany. Remember, German pronunciation means it sounds nothing like how you would say it in English.
For babies and small children liquid pain relief is the way to go. Some pediatricians will always prescribe suppository medication for babies so I always ask for Saft (liquid) medications. Depending on the age of your child you can get 2% or 5%. Sometimes is comes with a spoon or a Dosierspritze (syringe). I found that the Dosierspritze works way better for babies and toddlers.
Lastly kids cough syrup to help toddlers get rest at night.
This covers the basics for over the counter cold and flu treatments in Germany. If you are looking for a particular brand of medication but don't know the German name you can easily find out the name online. If you Google the English name most common drugs have a Wikipedia page that will tell you name of the drug in different countries. I usually use this when my doctor prescribes me something I'm not familiar with and I want to read about the side effect etc. in English.
And if you really hate going to the Apothek know that most over the counter medications can be bought cheaper on Amazon.de, sometimes even in bulk.
Gute Besserung,
x
Sara
Chances are if you are an expat in Germany at least once you went to the Apothek miserable with a cold and walked out with some kind of homeopathic medicine that didn't seem to help at all. I haven't met any expats who don't miss the over the counter medicines from back home. For a long time I thought cold medicine didn't really work here. That's not so. Germany has pretty much the same cold medicine we have in the States, you just have to know what it's called and ask for it by name. Don't trust the pharmacists to tell you what to take! They always recommend the more natural homeopathic treatments. Even better is having the doctor write you a prescription. Our health insurance covers almost all prescriptions, even over the counter stuff.
First things first, a daytime decongestant that actually works! Just be careful you don't take it with paracetamol.
 |
| Wick DayMed Erkältungs-Kapseln |
For night time cold and flu suffering I love this cough syrup. It is slightly less effective than the green flavor but it tastes so much better. If you need something stronger buy the green death flavor, it has a couple of extra ingredients (mainly alcohol) that make it taste horrible but also work better.
 |
| MediNait Erkältungssirup = cough syrup |
 |
| Halstabletten = cough drops |
If tablet decongestants aren't working well enough try this nose spray. They also make this nose spray for toddlers but good luck administering it! Sometimes if we do it super fast we can get it up our child's nose before she has time to make a plan of resistance. It really does help, but sometimes it's not worth the fight with a cranky sick kid :)
For regular pain relief I like Ibuprofin. Beware, it has the same name in Germany but is pronounced differently. Also called Ibu-ratiopharm.
 |
| Ibuprofin in liquid form for for babies. |
 |
| Paracetamol (Tylenol) in liquid form for babies. |
Histamine blocker for those with allergies. They have all different types, this is just the one we happened to have on hand.
This covers the basics for over the counter cold and flu treatments in Germany. If you are looking for a particular brand of medication but don't know the German name you can easily find out the name online. If you Google the English name most common drugs have a Wikipedia page that will tell you name of the drug in different countries. I usually use this when my doctor prescribes me something I'm not familiar with and I want to read about the side effect etc. in English.
And if you really hate going to the Apothek know that most over the counter medications can be bought cheaper on Amazon.de, sometimes even in bulk.
Gute Besserung,
x
Sara
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