Consumerism in Germany and the USA

How much stuff do you need to live?  How much stuff do you need to be happy?  How do you benchmark those needs?

I'm not even going to lie, I like shopping.  Everyone knows I like shopping.  But I only like shopping for fun things, like clothes or toys for my daughter.  I hate buying things like hair dryers, which is why mine is over ten years old and held together by packing tape.  There is no point in buying a new one because I know I will drop it in the first week and it will end up just like the one I have now.  But anyway, back to the point.   Like a typical American I always believed that more and bigger were better.  Success is defined by money and the big house full of stuff you can buy with that money.  Love and attention are shown with gifts and the more you spend, the more you love someone.  Buying things is good because it helps the economy, makes the world turn and so forth.  Stuff shows your character, individuality, and defines you.  You are the car you drive, the dishes you eat from and the house you live in.  That's the driving message behind consumerism.

But it's not just about stuff, it's also about winning.  Societies balance delicately between a need for cooperation and competition within the society.  We need each other to create great things like roads and cars and jobs but we also compete with each other for resources.  When some people gain an advantage they try to hang onto it and pass that advantage to their children.  In societies with great inequality, like the US, the deck is stacked grossly unfair.  If one person wins it means someone else is going to lose.  You reap your success from the disadvantaged. 

I am going to suggest something a little bit radical that not very many people may understand, but I would rather pay more taxes, have less money and live in a society with greater equality.   I am not about to take you on a little ego trip of my own self righteousness.  There are actually logical reasons for this: while acquiring things does make people happy, that happiness only lasts as long as the desired object is new.  To keep that level of happiness they must keep acquiring more stuff, locking a person into a never ending cycle.  That kind of happiness is not sustainable.  Material goods take up time that you could be spending with people. Inequality also trends toward more violent crime and less stability.  Nothing good has ever come from hungry children and homelessness.  What if you choose not to be defined by the things you own, but rather the things you do?  Maybe, I am not my Coach purse and J brand jeans?    Maybe I am a mother and wife and friend and pet owner. 

There is consumerism in Germany but it doesn't feel as all consuming as it does in the US.  A good example of this is the difference in attitudes about engagement rings.  In the US having a large expensive ring is an important sign of social status for many women.   It shows the world that you have the disposable income to conspicuously consume a frivolous piece of jewelry.  A large ring is also equated with partner devotion, since one partner has chosen to spend a considerable amount of money on this piece of jewelry that is then displayed.  In contrast, many Germans don't buy engagement rings at all.  If they buy a ring it will later double as their wedding band.  The rings tend to be simple with a small setting or no setting at all.  The focus of the engagement is not on the ring and it's unlikely that the ring will be displayed in the same way it is in the US.  Seen from the outside American engagements start to seem driven more by consumerism than by the monumental task of choosing a life partner.

I only had a vague idea the pressure to consume was so relentless until I stopped living in the US.  It is a relief to live in a place where strangers are not engaged in a senseless competition with no end and no goal.  Stores are mostly closed at least one day a week.  Holidays are more about spending time with people you like.  If I'm going to be judged on anything, it's probably the car I drive and that is something I can live with.  Sometimes I spend a few spare minutes hating on the curtains was inherited from the last tenants and imagining what it would be like to actually invest time into personalizing my living space.  But I don't have enough desire to invest any resources knowing I'll likely be moving again in a couple years.  This kind of unattached living is working out great with a toddler and a dog.  I really don't care too much if they spill juice on the carpet or if I've washed the sofa covers so many times they have faded unevenly.

I am always going to struggle with guilt for having white middle class privileges.  I grapple with finding a balance between my desire to succeed and my desire to live in a fair society.  I want to win but I don't want there to be homeless kids in the world or hungry people.  Europe does equality better for now.  I hope that American influence doesn't seep too much into German society.  Sometimes we can be a bad influence.

x
Sara

Two articles worth reading if this topic interests you-

Mother's Day surprisingly dark history
Concern for Equality Linked to Logic, Not Emotion

Types of Expats

I totally lied to you guys.  I'm so sorry.  I can't help myself. 

I'm not going to stop writing right now.  Mostly because my brain will not shut up and if I don't write this post my brain is going to keep going blah blah blah and I have grad school applying stuff to do.  Why do I do this to myself?  Procrastinating is bad.  Anyway.

In our little blogging community there is a debate about who is and isn't an expat.  I have to say I agree with both bloggers.  I think military expats have perks the rest of us don't get.  I wouldn't go so far as to say they aren't expats but they are not exactly living in Germany the same as everyone else.  Do you know how much money access to US postal service would save my family!?  That got me to thinking about how different all our experiences are.  There are lots of types of expats.  All different but all living abroad for different reasons.  Some only stay for a short time.  Some people (like me!) consider staying indefinitely.  Our experiences overlap and some are not at all the same.  Let's look at who makes up our eclectic group.

1. Tourist visa expats- people who live in a country for a couple of months on a tourist visa.  They stay long enough to soak up the culture but they won't go through the immigration process.  They also don't technically live in the country but they stay for a while so it's fair to include them.

2. Students- I've never been in a foriegn country on a student visa so I have no idea what it's like.  I imagine the university helps them out a little but really, no idea.  It does sound like it wouldn't be too lonely since school is a great place to make friends.

3. Expats for work- if you manage to get to Germany on a work visa then you are lucky!  They don't give out many.  Sometimes this can be the hardest visa because companies don't always help their employees with things like housing, moving, getting kids in school.  Families and singles who come in on work visas usually don't speak German.  Some work visas are only for a couple of months but others are here for the long haul.

4. Expats for love- by far most of the expats I meet are expats here to be with their significant other.  Having a spouse who speaks the language helps but you get to deal with cultural differences in a relationship, foriegn in-laws, and navigating a new culture without any official help.

5. Expats for adventure- some people pack a suitcase, get on a plane and then arrive in Germany hoping to find a job and land a visa.  A lot of my former English teaching colleagues braved the unknown for adventure and managed to thrive in Germany. 

6. Military and government expats- I have only met one or two expats who were here with the US government so I can't comment too much on what they experience.  There are some good posts on them here. 

7. Hipster expats- you know who you are.

8. Artist and athlete expats

9. Foriegn retirees.

10. Refugees- I knew several refugees when I lived in the US.  I think it's only fair to include them in the expat group since they have lost their homes and go through the immigration process.

11. Trailing spouses. 

That's all I can think of, do you think I missed any?  These categories are fluid.  I find myself to be an expat for love who has also worked in Germany and I hope to go to school here, though I won't be on a student visa.  In a way I am a trailing spouse because we move all around the country for my husband's work.  If I had to pick one identity it would be difficult, but just 'expat' covers everything.

I already talked about the difference between an expat and an immigrant in this post.  Do you think the term expat should be inclusive or exclusive?  Do we have more in common than we have differences?  Please, let me know your thoughts.

x
Sara

P.S. sorry for lying to you.  You have Shannon and Deanna to thank for my speedy return.  I'm a sucker for a good debate :)

I'm starting to ❤ Berlin

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As soon as my husband walked through the door on Wednesday I jumped off the sofa and announced I needed to run errands in the city, by myself.   Sophie had the stomach flu since Saturday.  Aside from going to the doctor and pharmacy I hadn't left our apartment all week.  It was nothing but endless loops of children's programing and washing out one set of pajamas after another.   I was about to go crazy. 

It's been months since I went anywhere without my daughter.  Getting things done with a toddler is not as easy as I imagined.  I thought toddlers would be easier than babies but no, they present a new set of challenges.  Babies don't have opinions.  Babies do not throw tantrums or refuse to wear their coats.  Babies don't hide their shoes or attempt to run in front of moving cars.  They don't refuse to sit in their strollers or hit the dog on the nose when they get sick of playing tug-of-war.  You will never find yourself negotiating with a baby or pleading for two more minutes of good behavior so you can check out at the grocery store. 

Every activity revolves around my daughter.  All my social interactions happen at her classes, play dates, groups and doctor's appointments.  I can't go to any restaurant or cafe that doesn't have some type of play area.  I spend most of my time with my family in our apartment.  Some days I would like to go places but her nap time is too early or late so we don't go.  When I get time off it's usually late in the evening.  By that time there isn't much I can do besides read, watch tv or surf the Internet.  Those things are fun but they aren't fulfilling. 

Minus child and stroller, my baby bag lighter by ten pounds I got more accomplished in one hour than I normally would in three.  Potsdamer Platz in the evening is great.  It has a big city vibe.  The weather was cool and the pavement was wet from resent rain but it was still mild enough to feel like Spring.  Without my husband or child to define me, I was just another woman running errands.  It felt really, really good to be in the city alone.  I started to kindle a little spark of love for Berlin.  It didn't hurt that it was the first time I went downtown without needing the navi or making any wrong turns.  :)

x
Sara

Berlin learning curve

Dear Internet,

I have nothing to talk about but my child went to bed at six o'clock so here we go.

Sophie is sick and the weather is bad so I spent all day watching Youtube clips of Baby Einstein and I felt like part of my brain might have died. Then we watched the Little Mermaid and the patriarchy made me uncomfortable.  I started thinking about the roles of black actors in Disney cartoons and I just don't know if there is going to be any more Little Mermaid in our house.  My daughter is probably going to grow up thinking I am an anti-fun politically correct tyrant.  Don't your best intentions always somehow backfire?  If anyone has any suggestions on how they plan on handling the Barbie, Disney, and Princesses please let me know.  At least we live in Germany right now.

For some reason, despite being super busy, I seem to have found time to watch a lot of tv lately.  I loved the first season of Vikings so hard and now I'm watching the second season and waiting to see if it's also awesome but I don't have any feelings yet.  Also, True Detective!  Woody Harrelson being Texas and serious and scary.  And I am trying to love House of Cards but meh.  I guess it's ok?  Sometimes the Walking Dead is fantastic and sometimes it's just so awful that I feel cheated out of Zombie Monday.

My hair is a little better but the highlights I got to cover my gray are super light.  The rest of my hair is super dark so... yeah.  Not very many women are sporting natural looking in Berlin these days.  Did I hop in a time capsule and go back fifteen years?  When it comes to hair color I did.  I am struggling not to feel embarrassed every time I have social interactions with people.  Are they judging me on how I look?  You betcha.  So if you don't know me and you meet me for the first time, please know I did not choose to have Brandenburg village highlights.  Sometimes these things just happen.

I went to the Zara at Potsdamer Platz in Berlin for the first time.  The sales associate projected so much condescension and dislike that I got a little freaked out.  Why was she being so rude to me?  Was it my hair?  My age?  My child?  My accent?  The fact that I was returning some stuff?  All of the above?  Anyway she tried to find reasons why I couldn't return my items.  She even tried to claim my receipt was a copy and not the original.  She managed to look disgusted and personally offended that one item was slightly wrinkled.  In the end she couldn't refuse me service because the tags were on and everything was in order.   I love Zara but it's not like they are a luxury clothing retailer so I don't understand why their staff is so awful.  It's times like this when I miss home. 

The weather has been so nice!  One day we were too tired to walk to the park but it was too warm and sunny to stay inside.  I remembered that we have a big balcony I've been completely ignoring since we moved in.  I moved some of Sophie's toys and we got to be in the sun for hours.  It was great.  We ordered her a little sand/water play table and over the next few months I'll be thinking about making it into an extra sort of room.  Some days I just want to stay home.  Let this be the year I plant flower boxes AND remember to water them. 

Since moving to Berlin I seem to plagued by stressful mistakes.  Like not being able to find my exact parking garage, getting ridiculous parking tickets, getting lost, driving into tunnels where there's no way to turn around (seriously beware of the Tiergarten tunnel!), missing my turns and other silly things that make going anywhere and everywhere a pain.  I never know where I'm going, I don't know where anything is and it makes life hard.  But it's ok, because that's part of moving to a new city.  One day I will get the hang of things.  It's taking a long time because Berlin is big and confusing.  Until then I just have to deal with not knowing.  And now that the weather is nice I'm going to rethink taking the train places.  Is changing trains with a toddler in tow more stressful than driving into a tunnel by mistake?  I am going to find out.

x
Sara